"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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