How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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