i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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