i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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