Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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