you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
