Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
