my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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