so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
