May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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