I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
