This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
