I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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