I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
worst night to have a conscience
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
