How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You took a bar mat shot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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