You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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