You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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