True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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