and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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