omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
