wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
