i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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