Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
