Betty ford says i'm here all night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize