fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
