Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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