Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
