If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
