you traded sex for a burrito?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
