Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
