How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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