omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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