Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize