Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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