youre lurking in front of me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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