But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize