Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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