God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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