hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
