ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
