I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
