You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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