help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
