Where is the hickey?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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