Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
