listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
