I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
