Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
