Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
