You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
