I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize