Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
