You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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