yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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