I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize