yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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