Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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