I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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