she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i out mim tonsoeep
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Two words: nipple clamps
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