slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
