Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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