Moan for me like Helen Keller
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
