I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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