My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
