"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
