he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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