I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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