fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just cropdusted the office
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
