I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize