i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
