she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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