i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
