He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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