He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize