My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
