I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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