just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
