I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
